If I were to not do what I have done….I would not remind….I would not look out for….I would not take upon myself what another may have forgotten, misplaced, or not done…I would not consider nor contemplate my actions of how they may or may not affect another. There have been countless times where I have not done what I did, to only find it has always been a challenging balancing act to do for me. While all this time it has been for the of LOVE you and me.
Did I enable fear or did I enable LOVE?
A lot of both, however I would say I mostly enabled LOVE. Well truly, that’s all I ever want to do and be done. That is all I ever want to feel……..to LOVE and to BE LOVED.
Sometimes I do feel it is “dammed if you do and a dammed if you don’t”.
As a young child how I experienced love and fear was
“I hit you because I love you.”
“This is what we do when we love each other.”
“If you tell anyone they’ll put mommy in jail.”
“Make me a drink because you love me.”
“If we say anything it would kill your aunt.”
“You don’t even know your son’s a faggot.”
“He rapped you because you had your ear pierced and he thought you were a faggot.”
“You used your own money to buy me this. This tells me you love me.”
“I love when you make me things with you own two hands.”
“you embarrass me when you dance in public.”
“nothing that comes out of your mouth makes any sense.”
“If you say where that bruise came from they will take you away.”
“Don’t look at yourself in the mirror, you’re ugly.”
“You don’t call or visit me any more…don’t you love me?”
“I don’t love you, you left me.”
“You left me, why would I love you.”
“If you love me than you forgive me”
“If you love me you’ll stay.”
Within these statements there are actions that taught me silently what love was and was not.
It has been my Soul/Spirit/Human life’s journey to uncover and transform the unseen fear that shake within.
I would say I have transformed a lot thus far with so much more to do.
These voices of Ancient Moons and Suns of times past linger with me day and day to remind me of ALL LOVE I can choose to BE.
To never ever ever treat anybody in hate is a vow I made that very day.
I do my best and I know I am not perfect for I am me and ALL that is within the unseen.
It has been my life quest to embrace LOVE in ALL that IS SEEN.
And that is ALL for today to do my best to breathe within the anxiety in which I see transforming LOVE of So mote IT BE.
The voice of past times three try to do their best in haunting. It’s a skill, a focus a determination to see through the veil of fear to rest within the heart of the matter and to create and embrace Peace.
I embrace I’ve done an okay job thus far.
I also forgive myself for the work that had not been done in what I have done.
© Daved Beck Whisper of LOVE, 2013